Tuxedo's 101 #LoRy

Last week we left off with Ry and I driving off after tormenting the staff at a local Chick Fil A. Today we will similarly torture the staff of a custom tuxedo tailoring shop.

Walking up to the tuxedo shop I held the door open for Ry as he strolled in like he owned the place. Taking off his sunglasses he puts them in a special pocket on the inside of his coat.

A younger butler looking like man came up offering to hang out coats. What the hell? I thought to myself as handed over my jacket and Ry likewise did the same.

Believe it or not nothing overtly sexual happened for a good twenty minutes. I think it was because Ry was tooooooo wrapped up in looking for the perfect tux. Although he did manage to find one of those pimp cane things and walked around stroking it while looking at everything. But for Ry that's not all that bad. I stood semi near the front looking at some pretty fancy ass cuff-links in a display case when I spotted it. How the hell I didn't see it before I will never. 

But there it was.

In plain sight.

I inwardly groaned.

I just know this will not end well.

Not end well at all. 

It's humanly impossible. 

There in the middle of the room running from floor to ceiling is a pipe. 

A very stripper pole like pipe. 

This isn't going to be good. 

I can just feel it.

Looking up two older butler looking men are standing rather close by glancing around I see the younger butler who took our jackets just behind me and to the left. 

L: Is that pipe structurally needed or is it decoration or something?

The older of the two butlers whom I've named Bob in my head answered.

Bob: No, my dear, it was installed purely for architectural sake. Modern I do believe they call it, Why ever do you ask?

L: -looking back down at the cuff-links- Oh no reason. -I shrug- 

I kid no you not, no really I'm not, not even a minute later I hear a sharp intake of breath. 

What the hell now... Looking up Bob looks horrified. The other older butler whom I've named Jerry looks to be some sort of shock. Glancing over my left shoulder the young butler looks to  be in complete disbelief. 

I blatantly refuse to look.

L: Do I even want to know what he's doing?

I didn't really ask anyone in particular and well no one answered me. Then I heard it...

R: SWEETIE!! I'VE SO GOT TO GET ME ONE OF THESE!!!

I can't avoid it anymore. 

I look.

There he is. 

Twirling on the pipe. 

Like a stripper.

Dancing with the pipe.

Like a stripper. 

It's official.

He's a closet stripper.

I knew it.

L: Hun, can you please stop dancing on these fine gentlemen's pipe?

R: -laughs- Oh Sweetie I don't think they mind. -twirls-

L: Ry my love. -as a name them off I point to each one- Shock. Horror. Disbelief. Now can you please stop dancing on their pipe?

R: -he stops long enough to look at all three butlers- But Sweetie I loooooooooove this pipe. -he twirls again-

L: Ry do not make me use your full name.

R: -he literally skids to a stop- You wouldn't dare! o.O

L: -I cross my arms- Try me.

R: -pouts- Fine you spoilsport but I want one these in my house!

L: Fine. Fine. Fine. Ill but you one. Now is there anything you like in here besides the pipe?

R: -leans on the pipe crossing his arms- I like him just fine.

L: -I look to the young butler- Ry you cannot fuck the staff.

The young butlers face went a little something like this. O.O o.O o.o x.x

Not kidding.

R: Why not? -he whines-

L: RYAN! -I stomp my foot-

R: Fine. Fine. Fine. I'll behave.

After this I managed to get the butlers in working, functioning mode once again. Don't ask me how because I honestly have no idea. I would love to tell you that our torment for the butlers ends here but alas the answer is no. There is more... 

Two hours later and several tux's consequently thrown over a dressing room door (landing mostly on me) Ry finally found exactly what he's looking for. Thank God. 

R: Now Sweetie you do know that you're not wearing a dress you're wearing a tux!

L: >.< I'm what?

R: YES!

Apparently he's immune to my glare. Damn.

Ry marches me up to the front where the young butler looks like he's about to faint being this close to Ry. I don't blame him in the least.

L: HEY! -I scream as Ry snatches my purse from me handing it to the horrified young butler-

R: Is for horses now march! -he steers me away to go look at tux's uninhibited by my purse- Oh and don't squish the purse!! Not only is it Coach but it has snakes in it!

Young Butler: WHAT!!

R: I know I was horrified too! It's Coach for Christ sakes! 

Young Butler: Oh hell no! -I see him hurriedly put my purse down on the counter- There was a snake in my toilet when I was little. Oh hell fuck no! -he hightails it into the back-

L: Way to go Ry you scared off the man candy.

R: Damn and he had a nice ass too.

So this concludes our torture of the tuxedo shop. 

...Next week...

...The Icing on the Cake...