Lunch with Ry... #LoRy

Ok so last week I left off with Ry and I leaving the pet store with yum, yums in hand & of course Ry flipping out because I have "snakes in the purse." Now off to a new adventure. 

Lunch with Ry.

Sitting in the car in front of the pet store I watch Ry out of the corner of my eye. The mice happily run around the carrier on the floor. The lowered window lets in a nice cool breeze on this sunny day.

R: -bobs in the drivers seat- We need to think about catering!

L: You just now think of this? Really. Dude you're so behind.

R: -he looks at me- You didn't?

L: -smugness- Already started calling Mexican and Italian places. Whichever gives us the better price well then there you have it!

R: OMG that is so why you're my maid of horror!! -he damn near crushes me with a hug-

L: Dude it's maid of honor. 

R: No, no, -he waggles a finger at me- maid of horror because I refuse to be a bridezilla and you know I like hate conflict and am a total push over so yooou have to be my maid of horror and be absolutely horrid on my behalf because I just can't do it and you know this Sweetie I'm seriously we've known each other for about ever now so how on earth can you not know this I mean honestly it's maid of horror end of discussion. 

L: Dude you that was the longest sentence ever.

R: -takes a deep breath- YES!

L: You're such a freak. -I cross my arms in a huff, apparently I'm a Maid of Horror-

R: -hands on wheel, looking deep in thought- Chick Fil A!!!

L: O.x Huh? You want Chick Fil A at your wedding? Dude that's so cheap.

R: No bitch lunch! Let's go!

L: o.o whatever...

About fifteen minutes later we found ourselves almost to the window in the drive through. During the process of ordering and then the waiting I told Ry that a friend on Twitter told me that Chick Fil A donates to ANTI GBLT Youth Organizations.

Oh you should have seen his face. Definition of mischief.

He says nothing until we're at the window.

A young man holding a water bottle tells us the total. 

R: -hands over the money looking at his water bottle- Sweetie!! Do you remember what happened the last time I had a water bottle?

The guy is obviously listening.

L: Nope.

R: Sweetie I called you! Remember I froze it then cut the bottle away and then used it as a dildo! Don't you remember? Rick and J absolutely L.O.V.E.D. it.

L: Oh yea now I remember...

The guy looks at his water bottle for about two seconds before he throws it away. I snicker. Ry smiles.

This time a girl comes over to hand us our food. 

L: Hun get me a yogurt with granola after the pet store incident and whatever else you have planned for me to today I deserve yogurt and granola. 

R: Yes, Sweetie. -he turns to the girl in the window- Excuse me honeybee but I need a yogurt with granola.

L: WITH AN EXTRA PACK OF GRANOLA!

The poor thing looks frightened. She scurries off to quickly get a yogurt. 

While she's gone she leaves the drive through window open (they're not supposed to do that) which proves to be a mistake. I don't know about Chick Fil A where you are (or if you even have any) but the food chain around here is big and I mean HUGE so there's a ton of people in the back readying food and the like.

R: Sweetie!! OMG we so have to go to the sex store! OMG we gotta go! Especially since you have snakes in your purse!! Yes we must go! There's just to much pun not to go! Oh my goodness now that I think about it I need more lube.

L: Holy fuck dude we just bought a gianormous bottle like a week ago.

R: O.O Sweetie, there are three, very horny, ass loving men in my house. 

L: Good point. Good Point.

R: I know that bottle lasted about two days... I think. Oh hell I don't know! That reminds me... I also need penis candies! Those things are good.

I just so happen to look inside. The girl is frozen holding my yogurt with an extra pack of granola. The whole kitchen staff behind her is either staring at us with their mouths open or trying to blatantly ignore us by focusing on their job. Their covert glances at us told me that they fail. Epic fail.

R: Honeybee -he snaps his fingers- can we get that? Others behind us are becoming angry.

The poor girl blinks a few times at us before handing over my yogurt. Ry the asshole takes the lid off. Dips in his finger coating the tip thoroughly before suggestively licking it off.

R: Oh that is so much better than cum. -he hands the girl three dollars and me my yogurt and drives off-

L: -dips finger- Hey you're right. So much better than spunk.

and that my lovely LoRy fans is lunch with Ry.

...Next Week...

...Tuxedo Fittings... 

A Short Conversation Between Ry and Teh Cuteness #LoRy

So this took place on my bed while I was trying to write but simply could not because of the absurdity of this conversation. 

R: Oh Armani who's a cute little boy? Yes, who's cute? Yes. Yes you is cute.

Armani tilts his head with his ears are perked up wagging his little tail. His favorite little brown bear toy is laying just in front of him.

R: -pets Armani- Yes you is a little cutie. Oh yes you is! -Ry bends down to play with Armani and his little brown bear-

Armani "Grrrrr"s and "Arghhh"s at Ry for "stealing" his favorite toy.

R: -throws Armani's favor little brown bear to the head of the bed, Armani runs after it wagging his tail before walking back over to Ry like one of the Hyena's in the Lion King (seriously the dog doesn't bend his wrists when he walks! so cute)- That's right you cute little thing. You know I bet if you were a man you'd be totally delicious! Yes you would. -pulls on Armani's little bear in his mouth- Yes you would make me into a cheater wouldn't you? -kisses his big apple head- Yes you would you sexi little devil you.

Ry tosses the little bear again this time Armani sits near my pillows playing with it. Ry gets a little frustrated.

R: Bring that back! -Armani continues playing ignoring Ry- Give it here I say! -Armani looks at him with the little bear in his mouth wagging his tail- Come on you little cutie! -Ry pats the bed but alas Armani does not budge- Oh I see you're playing hard to get aren't you? Yes you are. -Ry scoots up the bed taking his first finger and pokes Armani in the butt- Ohh you see that's what you get. Uh uh. You little cute devil you! That's right I tapped that ass and I'll do it again yes I will. -Ry continuously pokes my little buddy in the butt, Armani only plays on- Oh you like that don't you buddy. Yes I knew you'd like being bottom yes I did after all you always top the cat. Gotta try both sides now don't you? Yes you do. Gimme that. -Ry tries to "pull" the little bear from Armani-

L: -_- Ryan?

R: Yes Sweetie? -he's still poking my dog's ass not paying me the slightest bit of attention-

L: Stop molesting my dog.

R: Oh Sweetie he's gay he likes it. Don't you little cuddle bug? Yes you do. Tell Momma that you- Son of a coke whore what was that for? -Ry rubs his ass glaring at me-

L: -I stand steadfast holding a horse crop with a smug smile on my face- Molest my dog again, -I point the crop at him- and I'll aim for your balls next.

R: O.O

And that is the little conversation between Ry and my dog. To those who are wondering Armani simple played on with is favorite little brown teddy bear completely ignoring us.

Don't forget! Wednesday's post...

...Lunch...

Yum, Yums, for the kids... #LoRy

So after the flower shopwe went an exotic pet store to get mice for my three snakes.

This is how it went...

Ry: Bitch if them mice escape in mycar I will cut you.

L: They're not going to escape.The carrier will keep them in I promise. 

Ry: It better or I will like have a heartattack and like die after I cut you. 

L: You're not going to die Ry.

He huffs in the drivers seat pulling into theparking lot. We got out, purse hanging on one arm and small animal carrierdangling in the other with a very reluctant Ry trailing behind. 

Walking in I walk straight up to the countersetting the carrier down. Ry stays near the front out of view on thephone. 

L: Yum, yums, for my kids please.

M (the lady behind the counter): Yum, yums, Ilike that. Okay whatcha need sugar bug?

L: -thinks- Six mice and four rat pups.

M writes down my "order."

M: How are you're kids?

L: Oh they're great! -pulls out a  CrownRoyal bag and a mesh tie top bag- Got them right here!

M: Oh arent they something! Hey girls come outhere!

Two girls walk out. One obviously older and onevery obviously younger. Not sure of their names so I'll call the older oneCatherine or "C" and the younger Darla or "D."

M: Get this sugar bug's yums for her kids please.

They both ohh and aww over my three snakes in myhand before they hurry off to the back to get what I need. Leaning on thecounter my chat with M is interrupted by....

R: Sweetie!! Do you think dildos will be a goodgift for J? Rick and I wanna know!!

I didnt even bat an eye.

L:  No hun!J’s not into ass play unless yalls asses are involved.

R: -small chitter chatter- Oh good pointsweetie! Off to plan B!

I roll my eyes glancing at M. She’s happilywriting whatever she’s writing laughing softly.

M: He’s not shy is he?

She asks without pause.

L: Absolutely not.

M laughs.

R: Sweetie I... WHAT THE FUCK!!

Turning around I see Ry almost knocking over ashelf of rather expensive looking aquariums and light domes, flaying his armsin the air acting like a possessed idiot.

R: 0.0 What the hell!! Snakes in the purse! –hepoints his cell phone at me-

C & D come running out of the back. Dholding a mouse by the tail. C cradling a baby rat in her hand.

D: What’s wrong what happened?!

M is trying her damndest not to laugh.

R: o.O Snakes in the purse!!

D raises an eyebrow.

D: Uh... it’s snake in my boot.

Oh Ry bless him didn’t even miss a beat.

Ry: No you dumb bitch this isn’t Toy Story!Snakes in the purse! Oh my god you had snakes in your purse! You didn’t tell meyou bitch! Now I have to worry about mice and snakes!

D: So I shouldn’t take offense that he called mebitch because he’s calling his friend a bitch too right?

C: -nods-

R: Are you insane! You put snakes in that purse!Sweetie it’s Coach you dumb bitch! Your granny will have a heart attack whenshe finds out! Shit I’ll have a heart attack on her behalf! Sweetie that’s an $800purse. You do not put snakes in an $800 purse!! What the fuck is the matterwith you?!

L: O.O Sorry?

R: -huffs clutching at his heart- I swear to godif those things get out I’m going to kill you! –he pivots no the ball of hisfoot walking off to his corner-

M: Nope not shy at all.

I groan. Loudly.

L: Can I get my yum, yums now?

So this is the tail ofthe pet store in a funny nutshell version. We did have other stops to make butit was a wonderfully chilly day outside so the mice and rat pups were perfectlyhappy and content waiting in the car while we entertained others with ourantics.

Next week!

~LUNCH~

1-800-Flowers #LoRy

So Ry and I are planning his wedding!! Yes we are! This is the scene from the flower shop.

Walking in to the flower shop Ry immediately spots some flowers he "absolutely adores" and walks off. I am the more polite one of the two so I introduce myself to the two ladies behind the counter. There older woman (I'm guessing in early sixties) introduced herself as Emily. A younger little thing kept running from behind  the counter to the back. She paused long enough to introduce herself as Marisa. 

Emily: So your friend is getting married?

Me: Yes ma'am were just trying to get a feel for the flowers and arrangements and things. Nothing overly fancy. Simple is better. 

Emily: Alright I think I can help you with that. Here are some of our smaller arrangements. 

She shows me a book of examples. This entire time we have been making regular eye contact and the what not.

Looking up from the book I notice her looking at Ry. Not me.

Oh God what he he doing now....

Me: Do I want to know what he's doing?

Emily still looking at Ry: Well...

Me: It's that bad?

Emily: Well...

Me: Are we going to be asked to leave?

Emily: Well...

Turning around I see Ry. Standing there with a long neck fluted vase (I loved it) holding the bottom next to his crotch while slowly stroking the long fluted neck slowly simply staring at us. 

I groaned.

Me: Ry what are you doing?

Ry: Nothing.

Marisa walks out of the back carrying a bulbed vase with daises. She does a double take of Ry nearly dropping the vase. She swallows. Hard. Her face going scarlet. 

Shaking my head I glare at Ry: Would you hurry up and put that back we do have business to discuss you know. This is your damn wedding!

He snickers turning around making a giggly sound before putting the vase back. He casually walks over throwing an arm over my shoulder.

I give him the look: Did you have fun?

He smiles looking to Marisa: Honeybee haven't you ever seen a man jack off before?

Poor Marisa stutters almost dropping the vase again: I uh...

Ry: Honeybee don't worry. You'll lose you virginity soon enough.

Emily can't help herself. She bursts out laughing.

Poor Marisa becomes a very unhealthy shade of red. 

I shake my head. 

Ry points to a arrangement in the book: Sweetie! I love that one!

And business continued for the most part. 

You know the glass doors on a business have those shutting arms at the top so they don't slam shut? Well some are fast, some slow, and some average. Well this one was slow. Very slow. As we walked out I heard Marisa: Well that was weird.

Emily: True but they're the most entertaining customers we've ever had.

I glare at Ry. He only smiles.