The Icing on the Cake. #LoRy

Last week I left you all at the Tuxedo shop with Ry dancing on pole and a mortified butler holding my purse full of snakes. Now for the cake tasting. May God help us all.

Walking inside I am more than surprised at the size of this bakery. I mean it’s humongous! Like upstairs, down stairs, and floor big. That’s three stories of bakery!! Anyways Ry and I walk up to the lovely lady behind the counter to let her know that we are here for our cake tasting appointment. Blah, blah, blah.

About fifteen minutes later Ry and I found ourselves in a private room with several cake choices in front of us. I frown at the vanilla. I dislike vanilla cake but LOVE chocolate cake. Ry always makes fun of me considering I’m not that big of fan of chocolate but anyways... I put my purse between us to keep an eye on it to make sure my kids don’t escape into the bakery. Now that would be bad now wouldn’t it?

The first two samples went off smoothly. The kind employee who’s name tag read “Melinda” explains the various cakes I am being forced to eat.

The third cake is where things got to be a little interesting. I’m sitting minding my own business. Tasting cake. Tons and tons of cake. Melinda is talking sweetly. Small chit chat type things that spoke of politeness.

L: -tasting a fork full of yet another vanilla type cake I see a finger coming at me out of the corner of my eye- Ry I know the frosting looks like sperm. No need to say anything.

Ry: -he blinks at me several times before licking his finger clean- Oh good just checking.

Melinda coughs.

L: Ry hun you’re really on a sperm trip today. Well this afternoon mostly.

Ry: I know, I know. Oh are we going to the sex shop after this?

Melinda coughs some more.

L: Certainly I up for more abuse.

Ry: -smiles-

Three cakes later I am vanillaed out! No more vanilla. I refuse. Not happening. So thank the Lord a chocolate cake makes an appearance!

L: -once again I’m minding my own business eating my delicious chocolate cake when I see a chocolate frosting coated finger heading my way, I sigh, heavily-  Ry I know it looks like shit when your partner doesn’t thoroughly douche.

Poor Melinda. Red-faced doesn’t even begin to cover it.

Not even a little bit.

Ry: How’d you know that’s what I was going to say?

L: -leaning over I suck the delicious frosting from his finger- Because hun I know you all to well.

Ry: True enough. Least I don’t have snakes in the purse.

Melinda coughs again. Her eyes wide. I mean seriously they could be saucers.

Ry: Sweetie gimmee your phone I wanna check the weather.

I had it over without much thought. All he wants is to check the weather right?

Snatching his uneaten chocolate cake I hastily finish it off. Can’t waste chocolate cake. Oh no, no, no, no, no.

Then I hear it.

IT!

L: -_- Ryan if you’re going to look up porn on my phone it better at least be decent. Not that second rate crap shit with fake everything. Really now?

Ry: Sweetie! I was only browsing no need to get testy!

L: And stop looking up porn on my phone! I’m going to get a virus!

I think Melinda faints. I’m not really sure seeing as how I’m trying to get my phone back from a very long limbed gay boy. Eventually I succeed and poor Melinda is rescued by a coworker leaving Ry and I alone in the cake tasting room.

Good idea or bad idea?

I still don’t know the answer BUT from her face upon returning to see that we had made a “house” from all the cake samples I’d say it was a BAD idea. But like I said I can’t really be sure on the subject.

After all this Ry and I found ourselves in the front paying for the cake Ry had indeed eventually chosen. Melinda is nowhere in sight.

Ry wonders off to look at something shiny leaving me to wait for the receipt.

R: Sweetie!

L: -oh God-

R: Sweeeeetie!

L: -this boy will be the death of me I just know it- Huh?

R: Look Sweetie! It’s a cake dildo!

L: Ry it’s a princess’ castle.

R: Oh Sweetie that’s just what they’ll have you believe! Oh I did find a lovely porn! Give your phone back I wanna show you! Gimmee!!

L: -I am tackled by a gay boy, literally- Damnit RYAN NO! Not on my phone! –I try to wriggle away-

Ry: But Sweeeeeeetie!

L: NO!

R: v.v Alright fine you win this round but I’m not buying you a dildo at the sex shop!

L: Like fucking hell! You most certainly are especially after alllllll that you put me through today! I deserve a tickler! Now get the fuck off me!

Ry: Did you say fuck? But Sweeeeeeeeeeeeeetie! Here in public oh your exhibitionist you! Sit on the counter! Spread um!

L: Shut the hell up! You’re gay remember. Now let me go!

Ry: Formalities honey! I think I could get it up for you!

Random Voice: Uhhh your receipt ma’am?

The both of us turn to the mortified cashier gentleman. And the staff upstairs looking at us over the rot iron balcony. And the staff downstairs in the kitchens looking up. And the other customers looking at us.

L: -_- You so owe me a dildo for this.

And that my lovely #LoRy fans was our delightful little adventure in the bakery.

...Next Week...

...The Sex Shop...