Yum, Yums, for the kids... #LoRy

So after the flower shopwe went an exotic pet store to get mice for my three snakes.

This is how it went...

Ry: Bitch if them mice escape in mycar I will cut you.

L: They're not going to escape.The carrier will keep them in I promise. 

Ry: It better or I will like have a heartattack and like die after I cut you. 

L: You're not going to die Ry.

He huffs in the drivers seat pulling into theparking lot. We got out, purse hanging on one arm and small animal carrierdangling in the other with a very reluctant Ry trailing behind. 

Walking in I walk straight up to the countersetting the carrier down. Ry stays near the front out of view on thephone. 

L: Yum, yums, for my kids please.

M (the lady behind the counter): Yum, yums, Ilike that. Okay whatcha need sugar bug?

L: -thinks- Six mice and four rat pups.

M writes down my "order."

M: How are you're kids?

L: Oh they're great! -pulls out a  CrownRoyal bag and a mesh tie top bag- Got them right here!

M: Oh arent they something! Hey girls come outhere!

Two girls walk out. One obviously older and onevery obviously younger. Not sure of their names so I'll call the older oneCatherine or "C" and the younger Darla or "D."

M: Get this sugar bug's yums for her kids please.

They both ohh and aww over my three snakes in myhand before they hurry off to the back to get what I need. Leaning on thecounter my chat with M is interrupted by....

R: Sweetie!! Do you think dildos will be a goodgift for J? Rick and I wanna know!!

I didnt even bat an eye.

L:  No hun!J’s not into ass play unless yalls asses are involved.

R: -small chitter chatter- Oh good pointsweetie! Off to plan B!

I roll my eyes glancing at M. She’s happilywriting whatever she’s writing laughing softly.

M: He’s not shy is he?

She asks without pause.

L: Absolutely not.

M laughs.

R: Sweetie I... WHAT THE FUCK!!

Turning around I see Ry almost knocking over ashelf of rather expensive looking aquariums and light domes, flaying his armsin the air acting like a possessed idiot.

R: 0.0 What the hell!! Snakes in the purse! –hepoints his cell phone at me-

C & D come running out of the back. Dholding a mouse by the tail. C cradling a baby rat in her hand.

D: What’s wrong what happened?!

M is trying her damndest not to laugh.

R: o.O Snakes in the purse!!

D raises an eyebrow.

D: Uh... it’s snake in my boot.

Oh Ry bless him didn’t even miss a beat.

Ry: No you dumb bitch this isn’t Toy Story!Snakes in the purse! Oh my god you had snakes in your purse! You didn’t tell meyou bitch! Now I have to worry about mice and snakes!

D: So I shouldn’t take offense that he called mebitch because he’s calling his friend a bitch too right?

C: -nods-

R: Are you insane! You put snakes in that purse!Sweetie it’s Coach you dumb bitch! Your granny will have a heart attack whenshe finds out! Shit I’ll have a heart attack on her behalf! Sweetie that’s an $800purse. You do not put snakes in an $800 purse!! What the fuck is the matterwith you?!

L: O.O Sorry?

R: -huffs clutching at his heart- I swear to godif those things get out I’m going to kill you! –he pivots no the ball of hisfoot walking off to his corner-

M: Nope not shy at all.

I groan. Loudly.

L: Can I get my yum, yums now?

So this is the tail ofthe pet store in a funny nutshell version. We did have other stops to make butit was a wonderfully chilly day outside so the mice and rat pups were perfectlyhappy and content waiting in the car while we entertained others with ourantics.

Next week!

~LUNCH~